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Cried more than you would think.

Read The World According to Garp. Saw Apocolypse Now.

Went to amazing weddings in Upstate New York. Drank a ridiculous amount of milk.

Learned how to make sand art. Saw a great light show.

Saw the Angels and Lakers. Fell in love with Jawbone Up. Cooked with Jaime.

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Gardened with Jaime. Watched Homeland with Jaime.

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Wrestled with Jaime. Laughed for hours with Jaime. Worked on a play.

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Played World of Warcraft. Did some improv. Played a ton of the guitar.

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Really just had a wild, amazing year. What a world. By the time I finished reading, I realized that my non-phone hand was clutching tightly to my forehead, forcefully scrunching my forehead skin together.

But instead of distancing myself from the horror, I soaked in it. I read it again and again, fascinated by how something could be so aggressively unappealing. It comes down to a tragel simple rule:.

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A Facebook status is annoying if it primarily serves the author and does nothing positive for anyone reading it.

To be not annoying, a Facebook status typically has to be one of two things: You know why these are tdavel annoying?

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Ideally, interesting statuses would be fascinating and original or a link to something that isand funny ones would be hilarious. The author wants to affect the way people think of her.

The author wants to make people jealous of him or his life. The author is feeling lonely and wants Facebook to make it better.

This is the least heinous of the five—but seeing a lonely person acting lonely on Facebook makes me and everyone else sad. Facebook is infested with these five motivations—other than a few really saintly people, most people I know, hodt certainly included, are guilty of at least some of this nonsense here and there.

Bragging is such a staple of unfortunate Facebook behavior, it needs to be broken into three subsections:. A post making your life sound great, either in a macro sense got your dream job, got your degree, love your new apartment or a micro sense taking off on an amazing trip, huge weekend coming up, heading out on a fun night with friends, just had an amazing day. Core reasons for posting: Somewhere in the middle would be you calculatingly crafting your words as part of an unendearing and transparent campaign to Looking to host or travel tonight or soon people see you in a certain way.

Like the blatant brags above except behind a frail disguise. Image-crafting, jealousy-inducing.

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On the other hand, they have the same exact core motivations as the blatant braggers and looking at these examples actually makes the first group seem almost lovable in comparison. A public expression of your extremely positive feelings for your significant other or an anecdote signifying the perfection of your relationship.

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